Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
