Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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