ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
