Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wear drunk well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
