We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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