And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel like abortions should bother me more
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
