I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
