i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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