I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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