it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i came on her dog
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
