Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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