Define "chronic" masturbator.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
