Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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