He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
