Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we're making bets on your personal life
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
