he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
