when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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