Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
