my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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