Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
