ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
