Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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