I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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