he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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