Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
