Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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