I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
