You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There r osticjed everywhere
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
