is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
