there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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