I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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