Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
