i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
