i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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