just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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