I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
