I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
