Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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