Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
