what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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