If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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