Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
