I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.