I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing