You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The power of my boobs compel you
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.