I faked an abortion last night.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We don't watch enough power rangers
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.