once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
