I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
