who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
zippers are such a cool invention
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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