Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Found the puke drawer
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
