Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
