So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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