I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
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i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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