Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
