At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
