walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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