Little spoons don't ask big questions
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
