I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
