im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
smell my finger.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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