Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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