You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
