no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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