Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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