I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.