my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.