Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night