chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?