Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
