where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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