dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
