I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
