Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
