it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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