in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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