Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
