she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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