you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
