When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i think i just lost a toe
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize